What I Want for Christmas
by Troll99
Summary: What are Cameron's and John's Christmas wishes? Jameron.


_A little story, which could probably be developed further, more in detail, more extensively, but … everything could be better, longer, more elaborate._

_Just some thoughts about Cameron and John, timeline setting about two episodes before the end of the show. Not canon characters!_

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**What I Want for Christmas**

Cameron was sitting on the couch and stared at the Christmas tree in the living room. The tree, crooked as it was, inclined to one side so much that she, without consciously knowing it, tilted her head to mach the angle of the tree, it still looked beautiful. There were not many decorations, hanging on it. Some were out of the stock they found in the attic, some were inexpertly, but with love made by John and Sarah, using what was at hand: paper, cardboard, glue in excess … These deficiencies didn't matter at all. In fact, they only underlined the spirit of Christmas as Cameron understood it: being together with the ones you love, sharing hope, although there was little hope for them.

She was alone in the room. John was in his room, working on his notebook, while Sarah and Derek were still out shopping for the Christmas. She asked Sarah to come with them, but was told she should stay at home and protect John. Not that she would have anything against being with John … it was just that he left her and went into his room.

John! The only person occupying her thoughts as of lately. Since Riley died, he began to open himself up to her again, but still … he almost never looked at her like he used to before the car bomb. There was still something in his eyes … perhaps distrust or even disguise? No! She shook her head. It wasn't disguise. But the fact remained, he didn't trust her anymore. It hurt her. It hurt her more than she could ever believe.

The lights on the Christmas tree blinked in random patterns and their light reflected in Cameron's unblinking eyes. But she didn't realize that she stared into nothingness, so deeply lost was she in her thoughts.

What could she do more to prove John that she wouldn't hurt him? His behavior confused her a lot lately. One minute he was looking at her warmly, smiling at her, then, after she said something, his eyes turned out cold and accusing. Why was he so? She analyzed her own feelings thoroughly and came to the conclusion that after the car bomb she changed. She definitely could feel everything, not only physically … she felt emotions too. In the beginning she tried to deny them even to herself, but after they became stronger and stronger, she had to face it … she had emotions. She didn't completely understand them, but they were there.

The sudden flickering of the Christmas lights caught her attention and her eyes swept across the tree, just to find nothing out of order. She let out a frighteningly human sigh, folded her hands in her lap and looked at them. The hands that tried to kill John. The hands that she wished could now strike his cheek tenderly. She sighed again only that this time it sounded desperate.

Her emotions. Something she wasn't supposed to have. Something that impaired her abilities as John's protector. And yet … she was glad that she had them. She could understand humans much better now. She could understand what Christmas meant to them. Before, in the future, she wondered at this time why did the humans celebrate some holiday at all. It made no sense and it only eased the machines to attack at such times. But now … after being in the past for almost two years, after having tried to kill her John, after having lost his trust, after becoming an emotional terminator … now she understood. It wasn't because of the holiday itself. It was because of the ones you loved.

Suddenly her eyes flickered up and gazed at the tree again. _… because of the ones you loved …_ Did she love John? She most definitely wanted to spend Christmas with him. Did that mean that she loved him? She tilted her head to a dangerous angle and gazed at the golden ornaments on the tree, seeing her reflection in the smooth, shiny surface of the ball.

She knew that John was the only person, who mattered to her. But … was it love? Or was it something else? She knew the definition of love. From the dictionary, from what others told her; from what John told her when he was prepared to teach her. She missed the moments as he taught her about being human. She compared the definitions with her feelings and in a very short time on her HUD appeared the answer. Her eyes widened in surprise and she even slightly gasped for air. It wrote: "Analyzed emotion is with 92% probability 'love'".

After seeing the answer on her display she suddenly understood that she knew that all along, but never admitted it even to herself. But … should she tell John at all? Should she keep quiet?

Before she could finish her thought, John's voice interrupted her: "Why are you staring at the Christmas tree Cameron?"

She was so surprised that she even bounced a little and immediately admonished herself for being so careless. She was so wrapped up in her own emotions that she didn't hear John coming in the room. What surprised her even more was the softness of John's voice. It wasn't the voice she got used to in the last months; it was the voice of John, asking her what she saw after he reinserted her chip for the first time in this time.

She turned to look at him and was almost shocked to see his smiling face and softly gazing eyes. She stuttered: "Oh … well … it's …. I don't know." She felt how something warm began to spread in her.

John smiled wider at her and his eyes seemed to become even softer: "Well … that's very untypical for you, Cameron. You usually have the answer to everything." He tilted his head in mirror movement of hers and looked at her.

She suddenly felt confused. _Why is he looking at me that way? Why doesn't he tell me I'm a freak?_ For a second she dropped her head and then looked at him again: "I really don't know John. I must be defective. I'm sitting here, gazing at the tree and I didn't even hear you coming in. I'm no worth as your protector."

But John reacted unexpectedly again. He stepped around the couch, his movements carefully observed by Cameron, and sat down beside her. After he sat down, he did something that made Cameron's system froze for a second. He took her hand and held it with his both hands. "Cam, you are not defective. It happens to humans all the time."

"But I'm not human! I shouldn't behave like one!" Protested Cameron, feeling unbelievable warm since her hand was closed between John's two. She considered the possibility to withdraw it, but it felt too good to obey the suggestion of her HUD. _He called me Cam?_

"Yes, you should, Cam. You are much more than just a terminator. I've seen how you changed in the last months. I've seen how you were hurting because I treated you like dirt. I've seen how annoyed you were when my mom or Derek treated you bad again. So don't try to convince me." He gazed at her and saw how something changed in her eyes. The wall of coldness, blankness seemed to explode and there was life in her eyes. Life, emotions … He could see hope. He could see fear. He could se insecurity. He could see love. He smiled at this look. It took him a long time to understand what Cameron was capable of. It took him even longer to understand that she loved him, even though she wasn't aware of it. But the longest it took him to understand that he loved her too.

Cameron still looked unconvinced and tried to object, but as she saw John's eyes and face, as she saw only softness, acceptance and love written all over his face, she reconsidered and nodded: "I won't John." Her head dropped and she didn't know what to do. She felt how this emotion, which she now knew was love, slowly took over her behavioral patterns and after she lifted her eyes to look at John again, there was no trace of machine in them.

John saw how her expression changed into one he knew so good and loved so much … longing. He gently squeezed her hand: "Cam, what do you want for Christmas?"

Cameron was completely confused. Why would anyone ask her what she wanted for Christmas. She had no idea what she wanted. But then … as she almost answered him … her emotions suddenly overwhelmed her again and in a second she knew what she wanted. She wanted John! She wanted his love, she wanted him to kiss her; she wanted him to love her.

After she failed to answer to his question in few seconds, John looked at her downcast face, gently put his finger under her chin and lifted her face to look at him: "What do you want for Christmas, Cam?"

"YOU!"

He was a little surprised, but not all too much. He somehow expected such answer. He looked at her eyes, gazing at him with clear fear and insecurity. She just revealed herself to him, she offered him her 'heart' on the platter and it was up to him to treat it right.

His smile grew wider; he leaned towards her and gave her a gentle kiss on her lips. She was so surprised that she didn't respond and just stared at him with wide eyes. "Well, Cam … that's one wish, for which we don't need Santa. I can fulfill you this wish. You can have me … under one condition!"

"Condition?"

"Yes. You must tell me, why you want me."

"Because I love you!"

"And I love you, Cam." His lips were on hers again, this time gaining the desired response from her.

When the parted, Cameron looked into his eyes again and smiled shakily: "You never told me what you want for Christmas John?"

John grinned at her and took her other hand in his: "My wish has already been fulfilled Cam."

She tilted her head in confusion. "But … I never got you anything? What was your wish, John?"

"YOU!"


End file.
